Wednesday, May 7, 2014

A New Family! And A New Blog!

That's right! I've been gone for a long time, because I've been working on some amazing new material and some amazing life experiences all to come shortly! The new blog has officially launched unofficially (no content has been posted yet) stay tuned for more details!

Monday, September 24, 2012

Unedited Thoughts of a Dying Man

These are the thoughts that go through my head when I'm sick.

When you're sick like I am you sometimes start contemplating some of the more important issues in life. Such as "who is going to be at my funeral in approximately two days?" "have I made a big enough impact on the people I love?" "what is REALLY inside a Butterfinger?" all these questions have ran through my mind as I'm sitting in the doctors office waiting to be seen. I look almost as pathetic as I feel. I am wearing a heavy coat zipped all the way up with a scarf sticking out of the top, a floppy hat, and my bright orange fauxcleys. My feet are pulled up in the chair in the exam room and I am hugging my knees. I might die while sitting here. Honestly it feels like I am about to turn into a unicorn (if I do then this pain would be totally worth it for the transformation) I want to take some gloves and wear them but they only have the medium sized ones. My hands are rather big so they wouldn't fit. I think the nurse thinks I'm overly dramatic because when she asked me to rate my pain on a scale of one to ten I said death. Lady needs to get over herself and just save my life. I also wish she would turn the lights off in here. Even with sunglasses it's so bright I can barely hear myself think.

Have you ever noticed the paper that covers the exam table? I hate that paper. How do I know how often they change it? And to be honest it's just uncomfortable and it is loud. Like really loud. It reminds me of the really cheap toilet paper in public bathrooms. I hate that stuff too. I would much rather Cottonelle. It's the Pizza Hut of toilet paper. Pizza Hut's biggest downfall is that they don't use the Pizza Hut of toilet paper. Cheap-o's.

I'm wearing baggy jeans today because I need to do laundry. Not only do they look ridiculous but they are getting caught on my heal constantly. That's uncomfortable.

I'm so hungry.

Hopefully I can better recount this story someday if I don't actually die by some miracle. Because I promise it has been more exciting then what I'm writing. I just am having trouble concentrating long enough to finish a thoug

Probably The Worst Post I've Ever Written. You're Welcome.

I have a problem. (I feel like most my posts open with that statement) a problem with judging people. The weirdest thing is though, it's truly only one situation that I judge people. To be honest it's probably one of the absolutely worst times to judge somebody at that. I am ashamed to type the next sentence but.... I judge people that cry in church. I know that's terrible. Let's go ahead and get this out of the way before you send a hate email or post a mean comment, I know that I'm a terrible person. But let me clarify. I don't judge them because I think it makes them any less of a person or even because they can't control their emotions. I judge them because they're obviously hiding something.

Now that I've made some people mad let me elaborate. If I see somebody crying in church, my very first thought is "she's a druggy." or "he definitely is sleeping around on his wife" sometimes even "they probably have 20 dead bodies under the floor in their basement" I feel like this post is boring. So let me spice it up real quick. Last week I was walking down the sidewalk when I ran into a dinosaur and I decided that they were a mass murderer so I karate chopped them in the throat and then found five dollars and saved a baby. The end.

This is the by product of writing a post when I have a fever and a migraine.

Wednesday, August 15, 2012

Find Waldo, Lose Friends.

I was THE BEST child in my kindergarten class. I feel like now would be an excellent time to end this post whilst I'm ahead, however I didn't create this blog in order to quit while ahead. I created in order to chronicle the happenings of my life in a exciting and mostly true way. So I will write what I owe the Internet.

I was THE BEST child in my kindergarten class until my best friend found Waldo. At first thought, finding Waldo is pretty impressive. It might would even make me want to personally give my friend a handshake, pat on the back, or possibly even a hug. No probably not a hug. That's just pushing it. But at least a friendly high five. That would be the thought anyway if I wasn't THE BEST (I totally accidentally just typed the breat which autocorrected to the breast. Win) child in my kindergarten class.

Friday, August 10, 2012

One Night of Lawlessness: Aftermath

I turned around and looked at the school building. I watched as the light to the stairs got turned on....

(if this quote is unfamiliar to you, this final post would make more sense if you went here and read this first)

I was terrified. Not only had I forgotten to text Egypt to tell him I was on my way, but also someone who potentially could ruin my chance of graduating was seconds away from catching me. I needed to think quickly. One more time I needed to use that brain that earned me Valedictorian... 

I laid down. Flat down. In the middle of the parking lot and I stopped breathing. I lied there ready to die. (I have NO idea if I used the correct verbs of "lay" in those sentences. "lay" was never my strong suit. "You got lied?!") These were my final moments, and the school would escape unscathed while I rot in the parking lot for my attempted misdemeanors. 

Monday, July 23, 2012

It's My Birthday!!!

So I am taking a slight break from my Night of Lawlessness series because I have a special post to write. This one. Today as some of you know was in fact my birthday! And it was a lovely day! I had such a wonderful day that instead of keeping all gifts for myself, I have decided that I will instead give YOU a gift! I am about to post my VERY first video of myself to my blog!! So those of you who do not know me, are about to get a great deal more personal! I hope you enjoy! Much Love -Indi