Make a Joyful Noise (as long as your voice doesn't sound like a monkey drowning in a barrel of acid)

As I was in the shower today something very odd happened. And even though I am just now admitting it publicly, this is not at all the first time this has happened. It actually happens quite often.

This morning started out normal. I woke up, laid in bed for a couple hours as I still don't have a job and then decided it was time to get up and take a shower. I went to the bathroom and did my usual summer routine of turning on the water to let it heat up before plugging my phone into some speakers so I could jam while refreshing/cleaning myself. Today I chose a playlist comprised of Britney Spears, Rihanna, and Lady GaGa.

Weird thing is Britney's head is really on Britney's body....was the cut
and paste really necessary there? 

My First Super Fan Is Both Family And My Arch Nemesis

So here is the deal, There is never anything more exciting than learning that you have an avid follower. Even if it is somebody that is related to you. So I was extremely excited when I learned that my Aunt was a dedicated reader of L(A)F. Not only is she a dedicated reader, but she has suggested multiple posts to people that she thinks would enjoy reading them. For instance, after reading Whale Tails and Credit Cards, she called her boss and left a voicemail describing how it would be a wonderful slogan for VISA to "Swipe the crack - Get a dollar back!"

Swipe the Crack - Get a Dollar Back!!
(it totally works)

Spiders Are Worse Than Dogs (part1)

I almost died this morning. The previous sentence is in NO way an exaggeration of any sort. I quite literally heard Jesus say welcome home and had that moment when your entire life flashes before your eyes. (if you haven't ever had that moment it is kind of a disappointment as it only has your life in the past not what is in the future) What's even worse is that the majority of the time I had almost died I didn't even realize my life was in danger.

I woke up at 6:20 AM just like every other day. Nothing special about it other than the fact that my phone was going crazy vibrating from Twitter messages. After I read all my tweets I decided I had enough time to lay in bed and decide whether I truly needed a shower or not. If you know me at all then this should be the first sign to you that I was going to have an off morning. I am the kinda guy that will not miss a shower. Ever. While my mind was debating if I needed a shower or not, Mother was wondering why she did not hear the shower running now ten minutes after I woke up. Mother came in my room and made it very clear to me that whether I thought I needed a shower or not I would be getting one. So out of bed I crawled and into the bathroom.