One Night of Lawlessness: Aftermath

I turned around and looked at the school building. I watched as the light to the stairs got turned on....

(if this quote is unfamiliar to you, this final post would make more sense if you went here and read this first)

I was terrified. Not only had I forgotten to text Egypt to tell him I was on my way, but also someone who potentially could ruin my chance of graduating was seconds away from catching me. I needed to think quickly. One more time I needed to use that brain that earned me Valedictorian... 

I laid down. Flat down. In the middle of the parking lot and I stopped breathing. I lied there ready to die. (I have NO idea if I used the correct verbs of "lay" in those sentences. "lay" was never my strong suit. "You got lied?!") These were my final moments, and the school would escape unscathed while I rot in the parking lot for my attempted misdemeanors. 

Suddenly a light shown bright on me. Here we go. I waited for the Administration to call me out. I knew they could see me since they had their flashlight on me. But they didn't say anything. The light blinked brighter twice. I was as confused as Kermit the Frog was when he found out that frogs and pigs genetically can't mate. I looked up from the ground and realized it was the headlights of a '03 bright red Mustang. Salvation. I jumped up and started running towards Egypt as Egypt started driving towards me. It was a beautiful thing.

See! The mating of frogs and pigs just isn't natural!

As I neared the vehicle, it skidded and turned to a stop - the passenger side door flying open to welcome me aboard. I dove in as Egypt peeled out of the parking lot, leaving tire marks and the Administration in our wake. We just took 007/Josie and the Pussycats to a whole new level. It was almost like we added the orange TMNT dude into the mixture. 

We drove to a parking lot a few blocks away and sat depressed. We had no idea what we were going to do since our plan fell through and we still had half the night left. Just four wayward souls drifting along not knowing how to spend the rest of a lawless night.

This next part might get a little weird.. just a forewarning. Because I don't know why, but for some reason we decided that the next best thing to being illegal would be to drive 45 minutes to the closest Taco Bell just to get some Doritos Locos Tacos... (by the way, totally the best taco ever. Hands down) So when we finally get to the Taco Bell and order 27 Doritos Locos Tacos via drive thru, you would have thought that we did something illegal. As it turns out it is almost unheard of for 27 tacos to be ordered at once. My answer to that? Apparently not enough people have tried the Doritos Locos Taco then. Eventually we got our tacos and hit the road.. Now is when the night took another turn for the illegal.

Seriously - Best. Taco. Ever.

There is this park. It's a nice little park. It's located in the ritzy part of the town where I live. (I don't live in the ritzy part of town, the park does) There's a pond with catfish and a fountain in it, paths for walking, picnic tables for picnicking, and a dock for doing dock-like-things on it. And there is a rules sign. Yes. That's right. The park we decided to go eat our tacos at has a rules sign. Or as I like to call it a "God's-Giving-Us-One-More-Chance-To-Break-The-Rules Sign".

YAY RULES!!! AND FREE VIDEO DOCUMENTATION!!

Ok, so I will go ahead and spoil for you that we did not break EVERY rule on that sign. In fact we didn't even break most of them. But we definitely broke at least the first one by simply being in the park when it was well past eleven. (it was at least 11:25 anyway. Maybe later. Maybe not. I'm not telling...)

We picked a quaint little picnic bench and sat to eat our 27 tacos. I think I ended up eating 13 of them. Due to my last experience with littering, I decided it would be a beneficial idea to take advantage of the numerous trashcans on the property when we had finished. (seriously, this place had like 700 trashcans.  You would think it was the freaking Central Park)

But the night was not over yet. I still needed to rid myself of some urges to break the law! Wait, no, that was something else I needed to rid myself of. My bladder was filled to the tip top and it was about to explode everywhere. For such a richy park, I am surprised to inform you that they have ZERO bathrooms. So what did I decide to do?

Even thought it isn't on the rules sign, I'm pretty sure that peeing in the fountain/pond thing is labeled as a frowned upon gesture. But I swear I just couldn't help it! (you're welcome to whoever monitors those video surveillance cameras that the sign was talking about!) On a side note, the pond does have catfish and these catfish did enjoy jumping in the water and eating my urine. Sorry. That was a really disgusting sentence. Quite possibly the most disgusting sentence I've ever wrote. But it's already typed now so no use in deleting it!

This is 100% accurate.

When we finally left the park to head home we realized something. We were totally bad-A!!! No I'm totally just kidding. But we did have a sense of fulfillment. We had just lived out our One Night of Lawlessness.

Illustrations credited to Tom.