I Felt Up a Old Lady's Bark

I found this post in my "drafts" folder. I started it a month or so ago and for some reason never finished it. Because Granny is on her death bed right now, I figured it would be a good time to go ahead and finish it, and publish it in honor of her and her life. I love you Granny and cannot wait to be able to be with you again - this time for eternity. I will always remember the last words you said to me: "I love you, can't wait to see you in heaven." Also, the title is in NO way referring to my grandmother, or any other person for that matter..You will have to read the post for it to make sense.
Much Love! -Indi 

(A few years old but I love this picture)

For those of you who do not know me personally, my grandmother has a very nice lifestyle. She lives in a retired air force village for widows in Florida where she has friends, and people to do basically whatever she wants them to. (also it kind of reminds me of where the Others from LOST live) She has it nice. And occasionally I get the chance to go visit her and experience this nice life with her.

Now, if you have ever seen this village, it is rather large. And every single thing in it looks exactly the same. So it is quite easy to get lost if you are not familiar with it. The accommodations are very nice however. There is even a nice big in-ground pool.

One day, Granny took Mother, Sister, and me to the pool. Because we were walking in a group, I didn't feel the need to pay too close attention to the way we were going to get there. After all we did have Granny to help lead us through the large maze of garden gnomes and fake plants.

As we were swimming in the pool, (which by the way has Bob Hope's face on the bottom of it) I got a genius idea. I would swim across the pool underwater and grab Sister's legs forcing her to fall into the water and get her hair wet. This was a really poorly thought out plan. As I got close to where I thought she might be, I realized I couldn't find her because my eyes were closed. Solution: open my eyes. Bad idea. When I realized Sister was not in front of me at all and turned to find her, both contacts promptly floated out of my eyeballs. Hmmmm. This was quite unfortunate.

I wasn't lying about Bob Hope's face.

Not knowing what to do, I screamed. Then inhaled for round two, but instead I just got a lung full of water. (how do I know it was only one lung full? Because if it were both I would've drowned silly!) I was about to die. I jumped out of the water and started emptying my lung of water. Despite Mr. Dekker's theory, I was not cleansed from any disease... (if you didn't understand that reference you need to go read the Circle series by Ted Dekker. It's almost better than my blog) Instead I simply was coughing and blind. The family members appeared to show no sympathy so I was sent back to the apartment to either get more contacts or my glasses.

I had been walking aimlessly for about twenty minutes I believe before realizing I was lost. Everything still looked the same, but now instead of being able to tell where walls and paths were, I simply saw blob. blob was everywhere.

This is the sunburn I got from wandering so long

When I finally decided I was indeed lost, I figured it was time to find a little old lady and ask for help. Luckily for me it was around the next corner that I saw somebody only ten ish feet in front of me.

Me: Excuse me, 

Lady: *nothing*

Me: Um, ma'am, excuse me,

Lady: *silence*

Me: *slightly agitated* Ma'am, I'm kind of lost. Do you mind pointing me toward 103M?

Lady: *continued silence*

Me: *quite agitated* Can you at least tell me if I am headed in the right direction?

This looks surprisingly like the lady. Not the green post, but a little to the
right of it. 

It is at this time that I heard an answer come from behind me.

Lady from Behind: (wow her name has some negative connotations) Young man, who are you talking to?

Me: *gesturing* This old hag. (ok, I didn't say that but it's what I was feeling)

Lady from Behind: Son, you do realize that trees cannot answer you when you ask them questions... Right?

 *confusion followed by a dump truck full of embarrassment* I took a few steps closer to the little old lady. I touched her bark. (looking back I am ashamed of this fact) She was in fact a small tree.

Me: I uh- I knew that. I was just uh- I'm blind and my family deserted me and they took my seeing eye dog with them and I'm pretty sure my lung is about half full of chlorine and water and I don't know how much longer I'm going to live and I need to find my way back to my Granny's apartment so I can take my diabetes medication or else I might die and did you notice I said lung instead of lungs? That's right I only have one! (I'm still not totally sure where that part about the diabetes came from but I was embarrassed and desperate)

Lady from Behind Who was Now in Front:  Where are you trying to go son?

Me: *defeated sounding* 103M

Lady from Behind Who was Now in Front: Follow me.

I kid you not we walked two steps and she opened a door before saying, "Here we are."

Love you Granny! Thank you for making my life all the more special!