Unedited Thoughts of a Dying Man

These are the thoughts that go through my head when I'm sick.

When you're sick like I am you sometimes start contemplating some of the more important issues in life. Such as "who is going to be at my funeral in approximately two days?" "have I made a big enough impact on the people I love?" "what is REALLY inside a Butterfinger?" all these questions have ran through my mind as I'm sitting in the doctors office waiting to be seen. I look almost as pathetic as I feel. I am wearing a heavy coat zipped all the way up with a scarf sticking out of the top, a floppy hat, and my bright orange fauxcleys. My feet are pulled up in the chair in the exam room and I am hugging my knees. I might die while sitting here. Honestly it feels like I am about to turn into a unicorn (if I do then this pain would be totally worth it for the transformation) I want to take some gloves and wear them but they only have the medium sized ones. My hands are rather big so they wouldn't fit. I think the nurse thinks I'm overly dramatic because when she asked me to rate my pain on a scale of one to ten I said death. Lady needs to get over herself and just save my life. I also wish she would turn the lights off in here. Even with sunglasses it's so bright I can barely hear myself think.

Have you ever noticed the paper that covers the exam table? I hate that paper. How do I know how often they change it? And to be honest it's just uncomfortable and it is loud. Like really loud. It reminds me of the really cheap toilet paper in public bathrooms. I hate that stuff too. I would much rather Cottonelle. It's the Pizza Hut of toilet paper. Pizza Hut's biggest downfall is that they don't use the Pizza Hut of toilet paper. Cheap-o's.

I'm wearing baggy jeans today because I need to do laundry. Not only do they look ridiculous but they are getting caught on my heal constantly. That's uncomfortable.

I'm so hungry.

Hopefully I can better recount this story someday if I don't actually die by some miracle. Because I promise it has been more exciting then what I'm writing. I just am having trouble concentrating long enough to finish a thoug