Dear Mother... Why??

Dear Mother,

It's YOUR day! I am taking this day to thank you privately in a public way. So even though many other people may read this, I want you to know that I am addressing you and you alone. You see, I don't always tell you this, but I truly do love you and appreciate you beyond belief. And even though I do want to recognize all the many tangible things that you do for me on a daily (and sometimes minutely) basis such as laundry, cooking, and killing spiders; that is not what I really want this post to be about. Instead, I want to thank you for us.



Throughout my life, you have been the single person that has remained a constant for me. Whether I just chipped your tooth while you were trying to dress me, or I just told you about my brand new tattoo, you have always been there. Even though at times I know I cause you much more pain and stress than it would seem I am worth, you always seem to look past that and say, there will always be another day. I still remember the first time I made you cry. We were getting ready to go somewhere at night and you tripped and fell down the stairs in the dark. I remember laughing and saying something to the effect of "Mom fell because she's fat." Even though I was only a small child, I cannot express to you the guilt and sorrow I have felt over that one sentence that you may not even remember me saying. I'm sorry. Unfortunately, this is not the only memory that I have burned into my mind of making you cry. And yet you still put up with me every day. Why?

At one time I thought the answer to the question "Why?" was simple: you put up with me because you're my mom and that's just it - you kind of have to. But I have come to realize that there has to be something else. You see Mom, I have noticed that you do so very much more than just put up with me. You have become my most incredible fan. I find it unbelievable how you stand behind me even if you don't agree with or understand me. Going back to the instance of the tattoo, even though you do not agree with my decision on that, you have let it go. You didn't let it go because you changed your mind necessarily; you let it go because you realized that there was something way more important than highlighting our differences. You realized that our relationship was more important. You realized that now part of me is a memorial to Deven. And you realized that we had overcome things together before and we could do it again. But you choose to be my greatest fan not only in the big things, but also in the more trivial matters. Whether it be forfeiting your break at work to catch up on reading the latest L(A)F post, or hanging the hideous "art" that proves the talent is "Just not there."

I have thought long and hard about what the true answer is to why you do what you do. So far I can only come up with one answer and that is the answer I am holding to. Love. Not just the regular "you're family so I love you," but more "I am going to work at loving you. Not because I am obliged, but because that is what I want to do." When I look at our relationship through this light, things make much more sense, but they also make me a bit upset. I realize that I don't love you the way I should. Not because I am not capable of it, or because the feelings aren't there, but because I have not worked to show you that. I am starting to see that I have gone almost two decades without trying to actively show you that I love you. And it should not be that way. It will not be that way. I am not sure why it has taken this long to see it. But things need to change in the way I return your love.

So once again Mother, I am sorry and I promise I will do my best to do better. Thank you for always loving me in a way that I couldn't mistake it for anything else - even if I didn't deserve it.

I love you Mom. Have an excellent day about you.

Her children stand and bless her.
    Her husband praises her:

-Proverbs 31:28