Life (Almost) Factual: So Guess What!!!!

Did you guess?? Chances are probably not, because I didn't hear a single guess since I typed that title. And if you did guess, then did you really guess or did you just say "What?" I have a feeling that next to no body gave a legitimate guess to the question. Which is ok. Because that proves my point for this entire late-night [early-morning] post! So I applaud you unresponsive reader!

Go on! Guess!

The "What" that you were supposed to guess, was that I hate when people say "So Guess What!" In fact, I despise the phrase of "Guess what!" all by itself. Now I will admit, that I use the phrase way more times than I am comfortable with - especially since I dislike it so vastly - but the phrase truly is a ridiculous thing to say.

Let's all think about this, shall we? First of all, in all likelihood, what is the probability that somebody will actually guess the what that you are wanting them to guess? I am going to step out on a limb here and say it is 2 to 37,082,795,729,840,243. Just an estimate. I will give you an example:

Person1: Hey! So guess what!!!!

Person2: You just saved a baby?!

Person1: .....no.

Person2: You found $5.00???

Person1: .....no.

Person2: Then what is the point to this story??

It is at this point that Person1 starts to realize that his[her] what is quite boring in comparison to the guesses that Person2 made. I am not necessarily saying that "I just figured out Ramen Noodles are a secret way for Asian people to pass encrypted messages!" is a boring what, it is simply that marker-covered noodles can't hold a candle to a now safe child or a thicker wallet.

Conspiracy I tell you! Conspiracy!!

Let's take a look at how Person1 could have saved him[her]self some embarrassment:

Person1: Hey! Person2! I just figured out Ramen Noodles are a secret way for Asian people to pass encrypted messages!

Person2: No way dude!! That is freaking awesome!

You see, when the what is removed, there is no opportunity for disappointment. Let me point out my next issue with the phrase "guess what": have you ever noticed that the person asking you this almost always doesn't really care whether or not you guess? They simply want you to to say "what?" so they can tell you something you probably don't care about anyway.

Of course, then there is also always that one person who will keep badgering you to guess until you either guess it right or get angry enough to make the impression of your foot a permanent part of this person's kidney.

I have one more problem with the whole "guess what" scenario. "What is the problem?" you may ask. Well, quite simply, the problem is that there is far to high a risk that the what will be "Chicken Butt."

Please, PLEASE, do not let your what be "Chicken Butt"!!

So I think it is safe to say that the entire world would be better off if we unanimously agreed to do away with the whole "guess what" saga. It is quite possibly the cause of global warming...

OH!! And Guess What!!!!!!! I found one more picture to show you!!!