Martin Fierro Is a Rather Nice Guy

Have you ever found yourself in a really uncomfortable situation? Like walking into a really fancy restaurant dressed in a tee shirt and not having enough cash to pay for an appetizer? I have. In fact, some would say I have found myself in that exact situation.

A while ago, my friend Shorts and her long-time boyfriend broke up. She went through a slight phase where she was slightly depressed. This could not last. If you know Shorts at all, she is very peppy, very giddy, and just an all around fun girl. So when she is upset, it is not fun.

Shorts and I. This time we decided to eat inside our budget and chose BK...
And my lips look retarded...Crap. That's offensive isn't it? Let's try that again:
And my lips look retarded. (does drawing a line through it make it appropriate?)

In an effort to make Shorts happy again, I decided the best thing for us to do was to get in my extremely sexual car, drive to an eating establishment for supper, and then go see a movie about Danny DeVito as a small furry orange character that is obsessed with saving trees. (If that is not quite how the plot to The Lorax goes, then my apologies because we didn't actually get see it...) Shorts quickly agreed to go on our "friend date" and we set off for our adventure. (I know what everybody is thinking right now. And no, I was not taking advantage of her for an easy date. Just read the story)

Because we had some extra time before our movie, and we never really go downtown, we decided to go for a walk downtown by the riverfront and just stop and eat when we found somewhere that looked fun and exciting. (Right now I am listening to Rebecca Black's Friday song....and LOL'ing sufficiently. Does she really expect anybody to take her seriously?) As we walked the streets, we finally decided on a place that looked like it would be an adventure. The name? Martin Fierro.

So, I have been calling this place Martin Fierra up until about two minutes ago when I read
the sign and realized it is actually Martin Fierro.....Awkward...

We should have realized when we saw the front window that this restaurant would be way out of our league, but instead, our only thoughts were, "If we don't like it, we can mark it off as an experience." As we walked in, immediately the smell of meat cooking over an open flame hit us in the face. It was a wonderful smell. Then our second sign that should have told us to turn around:

Hostess: "Hello, welcome to Martin Fierro, what name is the reservation under?" 

 Crap. Who knew people made reservations for places?

Me: Umm...  We were actually hoping that there would be an opening tonight?

Hostess: Sure. The only table we have though will be right by the window and the chef.

Me: We'll take it. (this three word sentence was a huge mistake)

The hostess led us to the far table and took our napkins and put them in our laps before pouring us water and bringing us our menus with two pieces of bread. The menus made me intimidated. They were the kind that you slip a new piece of paper in every day depending on the different dishes to be cooked. I had never ate at a restaurant that had a real menu. And as I looked at the prices on the menu, I wasn't sure if that fact would change or not.

Our waitress was rather rude unfortunately. I think she realized that we were just a couple of bums and didn't want to serve us. She recommended a meal for us that sounded really good actually and wasn't on the menu. Shorts asked what the cost was, and the waitress said thirty dollars a person. Just a tad out of our price range. Shorts politely informed her that we would simply continue to look at the menu. After much debating prices with each other and trying to find a way to afford our meal, we called our waitress back over and placed our orders.

After we placed our orders, we got a chance to truly take in the scenery of the place, smell the smells, and take some pictures. Pictures that I will upload for you now.

Me

Shorts 

(Even though it looks like we are sitting beside each other, we are actually across the table from each other)

The source of the fire smell was right beside us! 

The source of the meat smell was too!

The rest of the fancy restaurant!

(If you are thinking this is fancy looking, look at the glasses and utensils!)

Notice the basket with only a napkin in it. After we devoured our two pieces
of bread, we were too scared to ask for more bread because we didn't know
what they would charge.

That's a real candle.

As you can see in one of the previous pictures, the chef's area was right next to us. And since this was a very fancy restaurant, the chef personally delivered all meals. This meant that the chef was constantly walking by us with food that smelt amazing. We must have been drooling profusely because on one trip back to his corner, the chef stopped at our table and in his Argentinian accent said: "If you trip me and I drop the food, you are allowed to eat it for free."

I was not sure how to react to this statement. After laughing it off, he returned to cooking. This is when I (what I thought was) quietly asked Shorts:

Me: Do you really think it would work that way?

Shorts: What do you mean?

Me: I mean, if we trip him, do you really think we will get free food?

Before Shorts had a chance to answer, Chef was at our table laughing and answering for me.

Chef: Ok, so maybe it wouldn't work exactly that way, but your charm is starting to get you somewhere.

I am not sure if he was hitting on me, or just being cordial. To be honest I didn't really care. I heard the possibility of free food and my charm cranked up about ten levels. Now every time that the chef would walk by taking some other patron of the restaurant their food, we would have a snippet of an ever going conversation. (this also sped up the time because before long, he brought us this:) (hey that looks like a smiley face)

My Meal: I believe those are pieces of pork wrapped in bacon....possibly lamb though.

Shorts' Meal: The best freaking lasagna you will ever have in your life.

After we finished the best meal we had had in a long time, the not so friendly waitress brought us our check. We managed to only be $55.83 in the hole before tip. We decided then that the rest of our evening would consist of mapping out the city to decide which corner would be most profitable to "work" in order to pay our debt. (turns out, Monroe and Fifth looks like a promising intersection!)

After the waitress brought me back my now empty debit card and our receipt we were ready to leave. Or so we thought. We started to stand up when Chef walked up behind us. "Where do you think you are going so soon??" Wonderful. We were about to get offed by an Argentinian mobster for only leaving a 5% tip. (if you saw this man you would realize why I am saying this. Even though he was extremely friendly - and possibly gay - he looked as if he could kill at will. He was wearing a solid black tee shirt that hugged his muscles and his head was bald - all except for a soul patch under his lip and a pony tail coming from a patch of hair shaved in the shape of a diamond) "You have not yet eaten all I have prepared for you. Sit friends, sit!"

We were elated to learn we didn't have to hit the street corners yet. Chef brought us samples of many other meals that they had. (judging by Mrs. Rude Waitress' description, I think this was pretty much the meal she recommended only we got it as a free bonus) Chef would bring us each a piece of meat and stand beside us until we took a bite and gave our approval. After he was satisfied with our satisfaction, he would run back to his corner (as much as one can run two steps) and grab a new dish for us to try. Within thirty minutes I believe we had sampled most of the menu. I also might add that Argentinian food is now one of my favorites. We finished up and said goodbye and thank you to Chef who waved at us as we passed outside the window.

Surprisingly, the worst part of this experience was not the price. It was that ever since I have been there I have craved their food and not had enough money to return. Sad day. Anyway, if you are ever in the area and have about sixty bucks to blow, you should definitely look me up and take me out to dinner.... Or I guess I could just flirt with Chef and hope for some more free food!

**UPDATE: Rereading this I just wanted to clarify something, even though it was obviously an expensive restaurant just by the looks, it also was very relaxing and comfortable. Wonderful place.