Egypt and Fast Food

This is a story about me and my best friend. I do not wish to name my best friend because the people who know him already know this story and I do not wish to attach his name to my blog in any way. Best friend will probably be brought up again in later posts so lets name him Egypt for purposes of establishing him as a person. 

Egypt and I were playing on our high school basketball team together junior year. (no, I did not play my senior year, yes I was the best player on the team) It was not long into the season that we had developed a pre-game ritual with each other whenever there was a home game. Before every home game, Egypt and I would go to the local fast food joint (again, I don't want to name it, but if you really must know, there is a song about it owning a rural piece of land and knowing vowels) and take turns paying. We would always order the exact same thing: two chicken sandwiches (plain) and a medium SuperWater. (once more, avoiding a brand name. Just know it looks like water but tastes like carbonated heaven)

(once again I am protecting myself by censoring the name/logo of the restaurant)

This was the same when we arrived at the eating establishment together. It was my turn to pay so I ordered while Egypt saved us a table. After the cashier told me my total I pulled out a five dollar bill and handed it to her. I do not remember the exact amount of change I received but I took it from the cashier and pocketed it with the receipt before proceeding to get our drinks.

After they called our number I got our food and took it to the table that Egypt had gotten us. We ate our food, (Egypt giving me his bread as usual) and headed to the game. We won our ball game by a really big margin (I'm not positive what that margin was but I would guess the score was around 90-55 judging by the rest of our season) and proceeded to the locker room to celebrate and change. After we changed into our "street clothes", Egypt and I went back to my place to stay the night. (whoever's turn it was to buy dinner also provided housing for the night)

When we arrived at my place we decided to watch a movie. Half way through the movie Mother asked me to give her the change from supper. (technically it was her turn to pay as I had no income) I reached deep down into my right-hand pocket and pulled out....nothing. This would be a perfectly reasonable thing to happen if I had reached into my left-hand pocket, however I learned my left and right back in the first grade and knew I always keep my money in my right hand pocket if I am wearing gym shorts. I was confused. I could remember the cashier handing my change back, but where was it?  I was dismayed. Before long I started questioning my sanity and the cashier's integrity.

 Did she really give me my change back? Of course she did. Am I positive? I think so.... Wouldn't I remember for sure if she had given it back? That harlot!! She stole my money! She shall be impaled!!


I was upset to say the least. I was not sure how I would get my money back but I knew I was not about to let that two-faced, back-stabbing wench get away with my cash. This meant war.

About half way through thinking out my plot of vengeance Mother asked me another question.

Mother: Also, why are you wearing your shorts backwards?

Me: What?

Mother: Your shorts are on backwards. the (insert brand name) check mark is on the back of your leg right now.

There is a certain level of embarrassment that accompanies wearing your clothes backwards and not realizing it until somebody else points it out. I checked my (now) left pocket. Inside I found not only my change, but also the receipt from the eating establishment. That level of embarrassment is escalated when you realize you have already started planning a stranger's demise due to your own carelessness. In the next few weeks, no amount of victory locker room speeches could keep me from triple checking my shorts to make sure I put them on the correct way before leaving.

Now I would like to publicly apologize to the cashier at the fast food restaurant. I never should have wished you impaled by a swordfish.