Life (Almost) Factual: How I Almost Scared the New Girl Away By Dying

At the beginning of my senior year in high school, we got a new student that we will call KD. KD was a very sweet and attractive girl from the very first time I met her. Some could say that we became great friends right from the start. Others could say that she tried to kill me....

One of the reasons that KD became such an awesome friend is that I learned she purposefully carried around a HUGE purse for the use of smuggling food. It was not uncommon for us to be sitting in first period and her pass back a pop tart for breakfast, or a candy bar as a snack during third period, on occasion even a peanut butter and jelly sandwich during seventh to tie me over until supper. I definitely had struck gold by making KD a friend.

(left to right) Shorts, KD, Fish, and I at a bonfire together..
Doesn't KD look like a killer? So does Fish, but I don't think she is...

**Disclaimer: once again, I promise I am not a shallow person! It's only by coincidence that the friends with the best stories just so happen to give me things/do stuff for me!

One day we were sitting in third period when she was once again eating. The following is what happened that day:

Me: KD!! What are you eating?

KD: Chocolate =] Want some? (Chocolate seems to cause trouble in everyone's life. if you don't believe me, click here.)

Me: Ummmm pshhht chyea!!

KD promptly passed me back half a bar of chocolate and I very quickly shoved it in my mouth and started chomping down. It was delicious. smooth, chocolatey, goodness. And then - crunch!! I thought it was just a mistake so I continued chewing. The more I chewed, however, the more I noticed the crunch. It shouldn't be a problem. There was only one thing that would be a problem if it were in it.

Me: pssst! KD! What's in this?

KD: Almonds :D

Me: :O Oh crap!

In case you hadn't yet figured it out, almonds are the one thing that might cause a problem. Let's turn this into a mathematical formula shall we?

Now lets take this equation one step further...

=

Do you see where this could pose a problem? If chocolate with almonds = death, and I just devoured half a bar of chocolate with almonds in it, I am pretty sure I am as good as half dead by now. Give or take a few bites.

Ok, so maybe chocolate with almonds doesn't necessarily equal death. But just because I never have died from eating it, doesn't mean I won't right? Either way, I knew I was allergic to almonds and I had just ingested a great deal of them. I am pretty sure I was on the brink of death.

Now is time for a small bit of back story. Third period could easily be compared to hell for us; your soul would be sucked, you never wanted to go, and once you got there there was no way out. (at least not until the bell rang) The problem develops because when I ate the almonds approximately five minutes into class, I needed to wash my mouth out before my tongue swelled. I had a decision to make. Leave class to save my life and risk not being let back into class, or stay in class and run a double risk of dying. (double risk being from the fiery inferno of hell and from the poisonous pellets I ingested)

I couldn't risk dying and disappointing everybody. They had developed an expectation to see my face every day and if I didn't uphold that expectation, the entire world would quite possibly cease to exist. (or at least within a 100 mile radius of my homestead) My decision was made. I had to run out of the room making it as dramatic as possible in hopes that it would become an excused absence when the teacher saw me flailing for my life.

I promptly sprang out of my chair and bolted through the door screaming. I ran down the hall to the bathroom where I proceeded to stick my mouth under the faucet. After about five minutes of rinsing my mouth out and debating whether I should force myself to throw up or not, I returned to class. The look on KD's face when she saw me return alive cannot be described. I cannot even begin to explain the mixture of horror, relief, and nervousness painted across her face. (I guess I kinda did just explain it a little) She had nearly killed me and she knew it. After class she vomited so many apologies for almost poisoning me that I thought she might have been the one dying. When it was confirmed that I was indeed going to survive to see my mother's grandchildren (if you don't understand this reference click here) I told KD that I, and the rest of the human race, forgave her for almost taking away God's greatest gift.