Poop On Some Leaves (Part1)

Judging by the title of this post, I can see how one might assume this is a camping or outdoors story. Knowing me, I can see how one would think it is a story about how I was extremely uncomfortable while camping one week, and I nearly died. The climax of such story probably having something to do with excrement and not being able to use a real bathroom. If you guessed this story, then you are close, however totally wrong.



This story is similar in that both have to do with me and both have to do with poop on some greenery. This is where the similarities end. Instead of taking place in some woods during a weekend of hell, this story takes place the day of prom my senior year in high school. (if you don't understand the difference between those settings then you probably had a really bad high school experience)

It all starts actually about a month before prom. We will skip the story of how I ended up being KD's date for now. But I may write about it later. Either way, as prom dates, it is usually customary to buy each other flowers that accent what you are wearing. So as customs would have it, we went together to sink seventy bucks into killing a plant just to make her dress look fancier.

Notice the shoes.

Upon arrival at a florist, KD was asked what we wanted our flower arrangements to look like. This is a question that KD did not know how to answer because "pretty" did not meet the florist's desired response. Finally, KD decided that she would like zebra print ribbon in her flowers to match the ribbon, lace things on her shoes. This was a problem for the florist. For some reason, she picked the most inopportune time of the year (prom season) to run out of zebra print ribbon. (the same pattern that many teenage girls desire for their dresses) KD was not happy.

Look, zebra print ribbon!

The conversation that followed was something like this:

KD: What do you mean you "don't have" zebra ribbon?? I thought you were a florist? 

Florist1: I am a florist, but sometimes we run out of certain supplies..

KD: If you ran out of supplies, you should be a good enough business operator to know that and order more!

Florist1: ....let me see if I can find some to order....

KD: Don't you think you should have thought about that before somebody came into your store and asked for some?

(Florist1 goes to make a phone call and returns rather quickly)

Florist1: I'm sorry but I can't get any.

KD: Are you kidding me lady?!  I could run to Hobby Lobby right now and find about eight different colors of zebra print ribbon and you can't find one spool of zebra print ribbon?

Florist1: Well I do have some zebra print. How about lime green and pink?

KD: Does this dress look like it could use lime green and pink ribbon? (hold's up her blue dress) No. It does not.

Florist1: You know, I don't think it would look that bad...

KD: No. No. You know what, you don't even deserve to run a business like this.

Florist1: I'm sorry ma'am, but sometimes we just can't make every customer happy.

KD: Your soul purpose is to make every customer happy! And your flowers smell like cat urine. Good day!

Addressing KD's last comment, even though it sounds like a terrible comeback, it was true. when we entered the establishment, there were around fifteen cats just lying around. The place truly smelt like cat urine. So on to the next florist. Florist2. Florist2 is the most respected florist in The Field. (This is the first time I have made reference to my hometown. Nifty) So we knew that we would be spending a great amount of money and we expected a decent job.

(Find out why I will never return to Florist2 - or at least after I use my gift card - in part 2 of Poop On Some Leaves)